D3 - Rolling in the Deep

My meditation today ended with two questions:

• What change do you most want to see in the world?

• what do you need to change about yourself, internally, to match that vision for the world?

My answer to the first questions is: a world without fear. My observation is that a lot, if not all, of the negative reactions we have in the world are motivated by fear. Fear of change, fear of death, fear of learning we don’t know what we think we do, fear of being first…or last.

My answer to the second question is: I need to work on acceptance, patience, facing the truth, looking at my patterns of self-protection and escape.

Fear is a primal emotion. It can be both a protective shield and a merciless tormentor. Fear consumes, distorts reality, and ensnares us. It whispers doubts, breeds insecurities, and paints vivid nightmares in our minds. Fear is the shadow that trails behind us, reminding us of our vulnerabilities, urging us to retreat. Yet, fear is not merely a foe; if we recognize it, it can be a catalyst for growth. This pushes us to overcome our limits, face the unknown, and discover the immense strength that lies dormant within us. It is through confronting our fears that we evolve, evolve beyond the constraints of our comfort zones, and step into the realm of limitless possibilities. Fear may be daunting, but it is also a testament to our humanity, a reminder that within the darkest depths of fear lies the potential for the brightest light.

This all ties back in together. Social media, for me, is one of those patterns of self-protection and escape. I don’t have to look at myself, or anything else I don't like going on in my life, if I’m looking at constantly varied other people’s lives and thoughts. Look, digital escapism isn’t a groundbreaking reflection.

So, we got that. Then, I suppose, the next natural question is what am I running from?

To truly address this, I’ve gotten interested in the concept of Shadow Work, which isn’t as dumb as I thought it sounded at first. I read the words “shadow work” and duh, I think of my teenage self wanting to sneak into cemeteries and perform a seance to scare myself (so rude to the inhabitants, really). Turns out there’s a few different takes on what it entails, most of which lead back to healing one’s own trauma by facing the dark, not so readily available (or tenable) parts of oneself.

I don’t acknowledge to having very much unique trauma. As far as emotional damage goes, mine is fairly mid on the spectrum. That’s also part of the excuse I’ve had for not paying attention to it, though, and I wonder if there there isn’t something to this “shadow work” that might help my anxiety. Social media aside, I have a lot of other bad habits when it comes to taking care of myself so naturally I see some possible relation there.

Beetle beetle beetle.